Hollywood Blogslap - Rants and Raves

Why Being A Movie Star Might Suck

nospam@example.com (Natasha Theobald) — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:38:16 -0700

I thought about it a lot over the holidays. We didnt go anywhere, but Im sure lots of people did. I thought about the dance you do with family. They have known you forever, but sometimes, at least to me, it seems like they know you very little, in reality. Because their expectations for you were sealed long ago, there is no easy shift from perception to reality when it comes to the relatives.

I think it is among family that you first realize how little people in general know each other, really. You take a look at your mother or father and, all of a sudden, realize that they are a person outside of their relationship to you. They get scared; they cry. Its a mind-blowing idea to the newly aware kid. Then, the most worrisome part, you think to yourself if I dont really know this person I have lived with for years, how does anyone really know anyone?

Of course, we dont often struggle with the gaping chasm between our own perceptions and reality in modern life. When getting to know someone initially, we might pay closer attention to small details, but a few weeks or months into it, we think we have them fairly well figured out. We all do it, consciously or no. We drift in and around one another without ever taking the time to stop and see the individual life taking place before us. For example, anytime someone finds that one is a writer, they will inevitably say, You should write about my life. The truth is, every life is a story worth telling.

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Will Newman nab a nom, a win, or a snub?

nospam@example.com (Paul Bryant) — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 15:50:05 -0700

If youre anything like me (condolences if you are), you believe that Thomas Newman is one of the most talented, perfectly-suited-to-the-medium composers working in film today. You may even be loopy enough to buy one his soundtracks as I did some time ago with American Beauty and find yourself drawn in not only by those memorably quiet piano/string melodies, but by the mandolin-driven Latin rhythms that brighten up the score with tablas and Appalachian dulcimers. He writes lean, powerful scores, with lean, powerful orchestrations, trusting his unerring ear to determine when there should be silence, and when his music should swell in and dictate the feeling of a moment.

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Gordon vs. Stockwell

nospam@example.com (Scott Weinberg) — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 10:37:00 -0700

It recently dawned on me that both of the young leads from John Carpenter's 1983 flick Christine have gone on to become fairly successful filmmakers. And that realization led to the obvious revelation that there are two distinct definitions of the word "successful."

Keith Gordon, whom you may remember from his performances in Jaws 2, Dressed to Kill, The Legend of Billie Jean, and Back to School, played Arnie Cunningham, the nerd-turned-automotive assassin in Christine. Mr. Gordon has since gone on to direct The Chocolate War (1988), A Midnight Clear (1992), Mother Night (1996), and Waking the Dead (2000), four extreeeeemely good films, if it's me you're askin'. Gordon also directed the big-screen adaptation The Singing Detective, which I've not yet seen due to the millions of awful things I've heard about it. I really should rent the thing already.

Aside from his performance as the blandly noble Dennis Guilder in Christine, John Stockwell is probably most recognizable for his work in Losin' It, Eddie and the Cruisers, My Science Project, and Top Gun. As a director, Mr. Stockwell brought us 1987's Under Cover, the 2000 TV flick Cheaters, the Kirsten Dunst romance crazy/beautiful, the surfer-girlz classic Blue Crush, and the keeningly awful Paul Walker/Jessica Alba gape-a-thon Into the Blue.

Which just goes to show you: If you're a young actor who has aspirations of becoming a film director, and you have the chance to star in a Stephen King adaptation ... be sure to audition for the role of the tragic villain.

Annoying Things That Happen in Movies, Vol. #2: I Yelled, But No One Heard Me!

nospam@example.com (Jason Whyte) — Sun, 18 Dec 2005 23:58:07 -0700

The following is another entry into a series of commentary pieces on annoying trends that are seen in movies these days. This is partly based on Roger Ebert's "Little Movie Glossary".

#2: I Yelled, But No One Heard Me!
Here's an annoying film trend that I've been seeing lately. When a character either yells to another character or outdoors when another character doesn't want some outside force to hear them, that character will shush the offending loudmouth and get away with it.

What should normally happen is the character or characters that are supposed to hear it will respond, but Movie Law dictates that they are not supposed to hear it so as long as a character says "Be Quiet, or they'll hear you!"

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How Many Bullets Did Kong Take Before Falling?

nospam@example.com (Erik Childress) — Fri, 16 Dec 2005 14:24:09 -0700

Me have legs, you watch. Me smash Drudge.

Here we go again! Reactionary journalism before all the facts are in. A lack of perspective that helps spin a story to either a point of view or a juicier headline. I, for one, am sick of it.

The latest comes on the heels of King Kongs opening day, a $9.7 million-ish take which inspired Matt Drudge to plaster all over his front page KONG BOMB? At least he had the decency to choose a slightly more responsible punctuation. Sure, thats not a sexy number in the 21^st century where weve had six Wednesday openings that grossed over $20 million. But lets all calm down and take a step back starting with the sentence I just wrote.

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Critical Mass: King Kong

nospam@example.com (Scott Weinberg) — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 04:40:32 -0700

In this, part 1 of a brand-new series that I just thought up like 4 minutes ago, I'll bring you small snippets of my favorite reviews from new movies. Once I get done writing my own reviews, there's nothing I love more than reading the opinions of my favorite critics. And today's a good day to start this column because KING KONG comes out today. And I loved it. A lot. And, yay, so did most of my favorite critics.

"And then it just keeps getting more almost unbearably exciting -- I can't remember the last time I actually gasped or moaned out loud at sometime I was seeing on a movie screen, or actually slapped my hands to my face half in awe at what I was seeing and half resisting the urge to cover my eyes so I wouldn't have to see any more... but Kong made me feel like a little kid again, astonished at the transporting power of The Movies." -- MaryAnn Johnason, The Flick Filosopher
"King Kong is gloriously uninhibited, fearlessly silly and willing to express itself through grandiloquent statements and breathless pronouncements. At three full hours, I wanted three full hours more. I hadn't felt as exhilaratingly free and goofy in a film since I was an eight-year-old watching RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK through my fingers. They don't really make movies like this anymore; I don't know if they ever did." -- Walter Chaw, Film Freak Central
"The movie is, almost by definition, too much - too long, too big, too stuffed with characters and over-the-top set pieces - but it is animated by an impish, generous grace. Three hours in the dark with a giant, angry ape should leave you feeling battered and exhausted, but KING KONG is as memorable for its sweetness as for its sensationalism." -- A.O. Scott, The New York Times
"The result is a surprisingly involving and rather beautiful movie -- one that will appeal strongly to the primary action audience, and also cross over to people who have no plans to see KING KONG but will change their minds the more they hear. I think the film even has a message, and it isn't that beauty killed the beast. It's that we feel threatened by beauty, especially when it overwhelms us, and we pay a terrible price when we try to deny its essential nature and turn it into a product, or a target. This is one of the year's best films." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-TImes

Annoying Things That Happen in Movies, Vol. #1: The Bizarre Alarm Clock

nospam@example.com (Jason Whyte) — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 02:13:19 -0700

To go along with my Outing Bad Film Presentations series, I have decided to do a series on the little character or plot driven things that annoy me to no end when watching movies. Things such as; When somebody looks at a clock and sees the minute change exactly when he looks, when those coffee cups aren't filled all the way, why those streets are always wet, why nobody says "Pardon Me?" or when somebody talks to a person wearing headphones and the person listening to music hears him perfectly

It's things like these that don't happen in real life and seem to exist only in the movieworld. And it is therefore my job to make note of these things to make you aware of the wacky things that can be found in films. Perhaps you were thinking the same problems yet had nowhere to talk about it? Well here's your chance.

This is somewhat inspired by Roger Ebert's Little Movie Glossary, however I am more in favor of pointing out silly things that some movies do.

Read on to view my first entry into this new series...

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Pryor to His Demise

nospam@example.com (Scott Weinberg) — Tue, 13 Dec 2005 03:54:21 -0700

Richard Pryor passed away this morning, and while he's probably best remembered for his indendiary stand-up material (as evidenced in 1979's Live in Concert, 1982's Live on the Sunset Strip, and 1983's Here and Now) and his also-incendiary battle with an exploding freebase pipe, I'll always remember the guy as one of my favorite move-time comedians.

So on the day we say goodbye to one of my generation's most admired comedians, I say we take a look back and remember, y'know, all those funny movies....

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Sad Box Office Facts

nospam@example.com (Eric D. Snider) — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 22:26:57 -0700

Quiz: What two things do the following films have in common?

"Doom"
"The Fog"
"Transporter 2"
"The Dukes of Hazzard"
"Fantastic Four"
"Monster-in-Law"
"The Amityville Horror"
"The Pacifier"
"Diary of a Mad Black Woman"
"Boogeyman"
"Are We There Yet?"

Answer: First, they're all really bad.

Second, they were each the No. 1 film in the country for at least one weekend apiece.

That's right, there was one weekend this year when people would rather watch "The Pacifier" than ANY OTHER MOVIE. Doesn't that make you sorta ashamed? Especially considering that on that very same weekend, good movies like "Million Dollar Baby," "Sideways," "Finding Neverland," "Hotel Rwanda" and "In Good Company" were also playing. Heck, even "The Incredibles" was still on a few hundred screens. And instead, everyone went to watch Vin Diesel being bit in the crotch by a duck.

There was a general bemoaning of Hollywood's inferior product this year, just as there is most years. But as long as people keep going to watch the crap that comes out, why should Hollywood make anything different? If you paid money to see "Are We There Yet?," let's face it, you're part of the problem, not part of the solution.

I'm looking at the films liable to make my Top 10 list for the year, and I see quite a few that were box office disappointments. Is it because they're movies that only film critics like, and that regular audiences find boring? Yeah, a few of them. But most of them are accessible, regular ol' crowd-pleasers -- that is, they would be crowd-pleasers if they could attract a crowd to please.

The fact that "Monster-in-Law" grossed $82 million while "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" has petered out around $4 million is a terrible injustice. (Maybe if Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda had kissed each other and then shot each other....)

Hey! You suck! Outing the bad projectionists

nospam@example.com (Jason Whyte) — Thu, 01 Dec 2005 15:12:00 -0700

Hey, Movie Theatres! You think you can get away with dim pictures, crappy sound and dirt all over your prints any more? Think again, as I will be proving Hollywood Blogslap with reports of poor cinema presentation of films that I see. This can be anything that occurs within a cinema auditorium that takes away from the enjoyment of watching a movie.

Reportable problems include the picture being out of frame or out of focus, poor quality sound playback, print problems such as visual anomalies such as dirt, horizontal scratches and noticeable splicing. Details will be provided about what is seen and where it occured, and if and how it was fixed when problems were addressed. I will also mention about whether the matter has been resolved with cinema management or not.

*Note: A special tribute to film-tech.com from a thread they started on their forums entitled "Hey You! You Suck! Aka. Outing Bad Film Handlers" which inspired my title.

The Victim: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe

Tech Notes: 140 minutes, Scope 2.39:1 (Super 35) aspect ratio, Sound formats: Dolby SR-D, DTS, SDDS, 9 reels.

Screened at: Silvercity Tillicum, Victoria BC, Canada, 3:15 PM, Saturday December 10th, 2005, Auditorium 6

Cinema Type: Stadium seating, equipped with digital sound, THX certified
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